9. I Am Sorry

In response to Slaughterhouse Five Chapter 10 (page 95-97)
Letter -in a different way
(Kurt Vonnegut's perspective; brings in connections between himself and Billy Pilgrim's character and expresses all the loss that occurred)

Dear Billy,
You may be a character, but you are more than that to me.
Thank you for letting me morph you and your experiences and letting me reflect my life onto yours. While some of it may have been completely unrealistic and confusing, it helped me. It took me over twenty years and a whole other war starting to finish writing your story, but it is done, finally.
This started out as an antiwar book, sharing all the horrible things about war, but it became more that that, and you started to exist and change my perspective.
The majority of what happened to you during war and Dresden, that is my story. It was hard and horrible and I'm sorry I made you experience it too. But it helped me, I guess cope and grieve with what had happened to me and let in all the pain. War pretty much screwed me over. My head was messed up and I wanted to show that in the story to express how damaging war is, not only during, but the after effects as well. With you and your character, I felt I was able to show what I wanted to show and express what I wanted to express. You helped me immensely and for that I thank you.
However, this was not all me. It was you too. As I developed your character, you inspired me and grasped onto my imagination to make this story come to life.
This was about war, the cruelty and damage that becomes of it, humanity destroying itself, and so much more.
When people read this story, there will be different reactions. They may think you are crazy, or may think you are absolutely right, or may not care either way. I hope you are prepared for that.
While creating this, I wrote you in somewhat numbed to what was surrounding you, not only in the war, but in a lot of aspects throughout the story. I'm sorry about that as well. It really helped capture the message though. War was horrible and demoralizing. I hardly could do anything right after I got out, and it damaged me more than I knew, which is what I mirrored onto you.
I hope it wasn't too hard on you, being that way. I had to express that when I was writing though. People don't understand how hard it is really. I want them to be able to realize what happens to people during war, and what happens to them after it.
You made it though. I had to let you make it through. You are stronger than you know and I am forever grateful for the creation we made together.

Sincerely,
    K.Vonnegut